do you wish for the most in your life?" Helen broke the silence that
I drifted into.
startled. I hesitated. "I really don't know what I wish for the
most?" I said finally. "Do I wish for a house, or a better one?
No! I don't wish for that. I have a house that is perfectly adequate. Do I
wish for an interesting job that provides sufficient income? No! I have
that too. Do I wish for a loving wife? I have that already. Do I wish for
romance? I had that also. I had a beautifully romantic day."
shook my head. "Isn't this silly? You asked me a simple question,
what do you want most in life, and I can't answer. I could say that I
wished for sex, but if I did, I could have had plenty of that for a
twenty-dollar bill or whatever the going price is. So, I really don't know
what the answer is to your question."
was something that you deeply wanted in the pub and couldn't find there,
something that brought you to the pub in the first place," she said.
"I don't think you came there in the middle of the night to learn
about politics, or to be scared by it even more that you had been
nodded. "Sure, something had been missing, Helen, That wonderfully
bright day that I had shared with Erica had ended with a sad
failure," I said after a moment of hesitation. "Something didn't
happen, that perhaps should have happened. We had the most wonderful day
together as two human beings embracing each other in Love, but it ended
with us facing a barrier. It ended with a line drawn in the sand. In a way
I was clad at the time that the line was laid down. It closed the door to
a difficult territory that seemed both beautiful, but also immensely
challenging. It seemed easier to avoid the challenge than to deal with it.
Isn't that what the whole world is doing? I think the challenge was far
greater than anything that either of us was prepared to deal with, so that
running away from it was the sanest response for the occasion."
just laughed. "You are right on this one. The whole world is using
this excuse. That's the oldest excuse in the book. That's why nothing gets
resolved. That is why we have built tens of thousands of nuclear bombs to
blow ourselves up with. You are saying then that you are wishing for
something that the whole world is wishing for, that the problems would
simply go away, or that somebody else would solve them for you. How noble
of you!" said Helen and began to grin.
can't deny that sex was an element. It always is an element of what I
would wish to be involved in," I replied, "though in the case
with Erica it probably wouldn't have been a big thing in comparison with
what we already had. Still I had been hoping till the last moment that our
joining hands would include a sexual touch and that beyond it something
greater than mere sex would emerge. I was hoping for a kind of intimacy
that makes our sexual embracing something special that only human beings
have the capacity to develop, something in which we are uniquely human. It
would then have the potential to be something like a miracle that unfolds
when our thinking is raised to a higher level where such 'miracles'
actually become real. The whole human dimension is like a miracle in that
way, isn't it? Maybe that is what I should be wishing for. What really
defines us as human beings takes us beyond what we can find in any other
form of life, in the known Universe. As human beings we are defined by a
great profusion of 'miracles,' unfolding as art, science, music,
literature, beauty, creativity, compassion, loving, generosity, honesty,
to mention just a few. I suspect that sex also has this kind of a higher
dimension, if only we could find it. I think we should look at sex as a
unique human dimension that lies far above the level of the animal
dimension of it as a means for procreation. Unfortunately, the lower form
of sex, is what society is commonly focusing on. I suspect, that this is
what Erica had felt impelled to close the door to. Maybe she had to do
this because the higher dimension hadn't been built where sex becomes
meaningful in a constructive way. I also suspect that we will never
experience that higher dimension, for as long as we find it easier to
close the door to it, than to take up the challenge to explore this higher
level dimension and its advanced principles. The professor suggested that
sex has a profound purpose in the higher human dimension, to bring us into
the realm of the Principle of the General Welfare. I think I was in the
pub to ponder where the boundary lies between the possible and the
miraculous," I added. "I suppose, I was dreaming a dream that
might always remain but a dream."
we human beings a peculiar lot?" said Helen. "You were hoping
for something that the whole of humanity is hoping for, a kind of
universal closeness. The reality is that you were hoping for something
that is easily fulfilled. Still, we find it terribly hard to help
one-another to take those simple steps across the barriers that we have
built up over centuries against the fulfillment of our needs. I find this
so often, Peter," she added quietly. She almost sighed.
it is fear," I said to her. "We've become locked into a prison
of fear, like Hamlet in Shakespeare's tragedy, who couldn't take that one
simple step that he most desired, and had the authority to take. Perhaps
it is fear of the unknown country, for which we have stayed away from it
for centuries, because public opinion says, don't cross that line. We even
teach this to our children. We tell them; don't cross that line; don't go
into the forest; be aware of the wolf; be careful Little Red